SisterJean

With the anticlimactic March Madness run of the Clemson men’s basketball team fading into the past, Clemson’s athletic department has agreed that it’s time for a change. While most teams seek this change in well-known coaches or players, Clemson has decided to go for a more holy route. 

Sister Jean, the 101-year-old chaplain from Loyola University Chicago, has so graciously agreed to bring a higher power to men’s basketball here at Clemson as our new head coach. After Loyola’s amazing “Cinderella run” in the 2018 NCAA Tournament and its spectacular takedown of the Illinois Fighting Illini in the second round of this year’s tournament, it is no wonder that the Ramblers caught the eye of the Clemson Athletic Department. While Loyola Head Coach Porter Moser has done an incredible job building up his team, we all know the true leader behind the bleachers is Sister Jean.

“You simply cannot deny her track record,” said Clemson Athletic Director Dan Radakovich. “Her spirit and tenacity are unbeatable. Not to mention her aggressive opening prayers that I think will help our boys come out on top.”

Sister Jean even released a small portion of her opening prayer for next season, stating, “As we play against our opponent, we ask for courage, strength and athletic prowess. We’re smart. We’re focused. And we have a disciplined defense. We have a great chance to crush our opponents if they are held to 70 points or fewer, and our defense can make that happen. We hope to incite fear in our opponents with our “Eye of the Tiger” mentality and ask for offensive assistance in getting our shots to fall where and when we need them.”

Regardless of having no actual coaching experience, Sister Jean is here and ready to make her mark in Tigertown and may even surpass Dabo Swinney as the most beloved head coach at Clemson. 

“The weather here is a lot nicer,” said Sister Jean when asked why she decided to accept the position at Clemson. “I’ve prayed on this for a while now, and I believe that this transition to head coach of a power conference team in the ACC makes the most sense. While I’ll always be a Rambler at heart, there is a lot of promise in the Clemson men’s basketball team, and I intend to capitalize on that talent as its new head coach.”

All of our returning players are ecstatic to play under the new leadership of Sister Jean. And even though some may claim that she lacks the powerful demeanor of a head coach, we all know that when it comes to Sister Jean, the only power she needs is that of a higher one.

Tags

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.